![]() (Honestly, for all Biing's skin and sluttiness, what it really ends up fetishising is good old Microsoft Excel. This is not exactly having information at your fingertips, especially under time pressure, but is a clear demonstration of how things can go wrong when a game is designed around squeezing in as much cheesecake as possible, rather than being played. Similarly, the room where you check how much money you have is in a different room to the one where you buy land, with a third given over to personnel. Only when you try to do something, like call in the next patient, will your snarky assistant point out that they've gone home and you need to hire or assign someone else to take over the room. Of all the universes to have unions! Biing is far more bothered about see-through tops than transparency though, so you'll always see a full complement of manic medics and their fanservice floozies when you visit their screen. ![]() One of the most irritating things is that you can't simply hire a doctor and nurse, plonk them in a room and expect them to work 24 hours a day for your greater glory. You on the other hand spend more and more of your time dealing with much less attractive figures-the tables and ledgers showing how much debt you're in-and the chronic micromanagement they demand from you. Nurses can be ordered to entertain the crowd by stripping, which presumably works just as well regardless of whether the onlookers are male, female, young, old, or the Wolfman. What you really want is to be able to bounce patients around to multiple departments to build up a massive bill, though early on you're only set up to take care of abrasions, toothaches and other low-paying injuries barely worth your attention.Īs more patients arrive and fill up valuable space in the waiting room, the pressure quickly builds. Finally, you can bill them, kick them out, and move onto the next victim. You then leave them to their job until they have a diagnosis, at which point you can approve or change it, then leave them to get it done. From there, they head to a Waiting Room, while you go into the relevant treatment room to have the nurse summon them. They arrive at the Reception desk, and you have to decide whether to take their case. It's not easy because it seems entirely random how many patients you actually get, and the early ones don't spend much. Your main job early on is funnelling patients from A to B, and trying to work out when you can afford to expand. Run out of cash and you're instantly out on a rather less shapely ass than the ones you were once in charge of hiring. Throw in a little money to pay a guy to walk around with a placard you can only afford to have say, more or less, "We Don't Entirely Suck", and you're already on the edge of bankruptcy. Just for starters, you need a reception, a waiting room, a treatment room, a storage room, and a dental surgery, along with all their required staff members. ![]() Most of your starting cash resources are spent almost immediately building up massive cash soaks. That market's always up and down, and makes a real mess when it fluctuates. This is probably a good point to mention that the game's currency is the 'dong'. Much later, you need other employees too, including baseball bat-wielding hoodlums to sabotage rivals, but you practically lose the game just by thinking about hiring them at this stage. You place adverts in the local paper with your requirements, then sit back and hope like hell you get good applicants. Both doctors and nurses vary dramatically in quality and education, though the most relevant stats in Biing's world are the nurses' breast size, and the doctors' golf handicaps. You have to rent huge tracts of land, hire nurses with huge tracts of land, and sort out the first handful of required buildings while your new doctors get an eyeful of something else. About the only thing you don't get your hands dirty with are the actual medical procedures.Įverything begins simply enough. ![]() You're the one sane person in the whole place, responsible for everything from hiring new staff and deciding whether or not to buy or rent a new Ward to-no kidding-buying individual pencils and making sure they get to the right office. Except the nurses, who have doctors to handle that for them. Endless tutorial out of the way, you at least know what you're meant to do: Everything.
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